No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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