i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The uberlube is also flammable
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
