Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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