so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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