Got a toothbrush?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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