This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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