he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
