I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
