I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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