nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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