we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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