I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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