CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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