I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
