First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize