I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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