It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
