textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
