I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
