Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
