Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
