you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
