they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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