if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
