Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
