Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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