come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
