Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
