If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
