Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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