I just pynch a tree in the face
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
