1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
