with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
