; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
