All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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