i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
