I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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