Welp...herpes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
