do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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