So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
