Where did you get a picture of my penis
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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