PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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