So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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