Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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