She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
