Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
