Moan for me like Helen Keller
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
