I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
