the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
