my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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