so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
