Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
