Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
