yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you didnt know i had herpes?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
