you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
