Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
