why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
