Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
