Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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