I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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