There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
