Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you inspire me to be a worse person
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
