I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
