If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
