Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
