What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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