He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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