Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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