Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
