I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
