I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
