I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
