Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
